Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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