He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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