I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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