I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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