omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
