i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
