all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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