i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
