First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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