i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
