why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
