i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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