Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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