I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
