I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
