Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just pynch a tree in the face
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
