its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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