but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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