i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
