I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
