You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
