May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
