Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
