Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
