Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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