I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
