I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
