Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
