The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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