how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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