I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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