You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
