i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
