i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pooping to opera.
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