You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
