Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
