how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
