This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
