Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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