Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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