I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
