Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
