took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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