i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
