So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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