Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
