I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
then he tried to convert me to islam
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
