just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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