Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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