Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
