it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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