Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I forget how to act sober
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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