Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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