i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
