I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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