Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
