If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
