Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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