I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
