Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
