i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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