Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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