Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
