i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
