At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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