Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
