I want to have your abortion
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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