K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
