he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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