Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
