Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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