The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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