We won't sleep together?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
