I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My balls are so social today.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
