i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
