I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
