you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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