Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
