I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
