so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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