Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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