remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
