I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
