Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
